Reflection

"You are who you think you are".

Yes. It hit me straight in the face. I practically lay flat on the floor, digesting those words. The more I digest, the more uncomfortable I become, the more guilty I feel, the more I tend to beat myself up.

I never acknowledge my talents and abilities (should I have any). Many a times, I'd go;

"I don't know how la if I can..."

"Not sure if I am the right person..."

"Maybe I'm useless..."

"I think I'm the worst here.."

"I'm a real idiot..."

"I don't have the intelligence...."

and so on and so forth. So, is this why I'm so stupid not capable of putting forth my best-est performance?? Is this why I haven't been able to max it out in my life?? It's all because I never look highly upon myself??

Alright then. Time for a change. A revamp. It's time..... to think differently.

Mindless Ramblings

OK.

Is it just me? Or is everyone around me slowly getting hitched and attached?? 

Gee..and I'm the only odd one out. Will everyone get married and have little ones while I while my time away here on earth?? Will I be baby-sitting their offspring next? Heck, is it even normal to feel so anxious right now?

Someone once told me this,"It's better to wake up each morning, wishing you were married than waking up each morning, wishing you were single." Now, that's comforting.

I've seen couples getting all lovey-dovey one moment and the next moment, throwing daggers at each other. Do I even want that to happen to me?

Hmmmm.....

So, when is my knight in shining armour coming? =D

To-/Must-Do List

As some already know, my next project will be in Penang. Since I'll be in Penang for the next two, three years until I move to another project, I've come up with a to-/must-do list. Here goes :-

1. Get myself a new air-cond.

2. Get myself a reliable and durable lappie. One where my software can run smoothly. It's for work purpose.

3. Either terminate my current gym membership and enroll in a new one, or just transfer my current one to a new one. (But I've yet to decide. Mainly due to work commitment. I've to travel and sometimes work till quite late.)

4. LEARN TO SCUBA DIVE. It's a must.

5. To travel to Japan or Australia.

6. Weekend getaways in Sabah/Sarawak.

7. Pedi mani once in a while. =)

8. Morning jogs at the botanical park on Sundays.

9. Go for moviesssssss.

10. Involve in sports and outdoor activities.

11. Re-enroll in dance classes. Yes, I danced.

12. Get a new hairstyle. Hohoho.

Hmmmm.. I think that's what I can think of so far. Jacqueline and Khye Zhee, take note of some of the above points. Debbie, we go for point 4 ya.

*loves loves loves*

Hello Again!

Whoaaa...

My last entry post was in June!! *counting...* Three months ago! To be fair, I was extremely busy these past few months. Only now could I take a breather. Time to revive my almost dead blog.

Some brief updates :-

1. I'll be transferred to a project in Penang in bout two weeks' time. Bitter sweet really. So, I guess that means I'll be stuck in Penang for good. Like I said, bitter sweet.

2. I got myself a new phone. Mom discovered it because my sister blabbed.

3. My brother promised to get me an iphone 4 as part of a deal we made; i.e if I meet the requirements of the deal. =)

4. I got very sick somewhere in June and took 4 days of MC. In actual fact, I was really sick for two whole weeks. Doctor suspected H1N1. But all was well. Recovered soon after.

5. I saw to the defect complaints from purchasers. Tried to get them done within 21 days as stated in their SPA. They were very pleased with my work. And so were the top management.

6. Diligently go to church each week and then for lunch with church friends. Ahhh...the companionship. Indescribable.

7. Watched movies almost every week.

8. For the first time in my life, I went for a pedicure! It was nice really to be pampered once in a while. And the price was reasonable too. May consider going once I'm back in Penang.

9. Had a few mamak sessions with church friends. We promised to save for our scuba diving lessons next year. Can't wait!

10. I got bonus!! Yeah!! I was extremely thankful because some of my colleagues didn't get their bonuses.

Yeap, that's bout all there is to say for the time being. Will keep you guys posted. For now, have a great week ahead!

Young Working Adults (YWA)

I attended a church camp last weekend. It's called the Young Working Adults' Camp (YWA) : Perfect 10.

It was great. Fun to say the least. The camp was held in Mahkota Hotel, Melaka. It was a 3-day-2-night camp. The hotel was not a hotel at all. It was more like an apartment, where you have a living hall, a kitchen, two rooms and two bathrooms. So, was kinda disappointed. Cause the camp fee was freaking expensive. And the food sucks.

But other than that, I had a great time connecting, though I felt pretty awkward at first. The games were fantastic too. It has been centuries since I last played games. The games actually brought out the children in us. No kidding!

We also got to roam around Malacca and tried local delicacies. Some of the food was not too bad. Wanting to try out something special in Malacca, I texted my sister, only to find that I'd be better off scouting the food myself. She's totally hopeless. I didn't find the chicken rice balls is a to die for. You still have the pieces of chicken and the rice, just that the rice is now served in ball-like shapes.

                                       

                                        

See what I mean?

Other than games and leisure, we have three speakers throughout camp; Pastor Kenneth Chin, Pastor Alex Tan and guest speaker, Pastor Timothy Loh. Sermons were great.

                                       

Pastor Alex Tan

                                       

Pastor Kenneth Chin

                                        

Pastor Timothy Loh

All in all, everything was fantastic. But the most important thing bout the camp was, I GOT TO UNWIND! Man! Don't I need that one!


p/s : Pardon the formatting. Can't seem to adjust those pictures.

Headache

Head pounding. Real bad. Felt like cracking my skull open to relieve the build up pressure within.

The way I'm working right now is taking a toll on my whole life. It's not good. Not good at all.

I Wish...

I wish I'm more mature,

I wish I'm more daring,

I wish I'm bolder,

I wish I'm smarter,

I wish I'm wiser,

I wish I'm more intelligent,

I wish I dare to take the necessary risks,

I wish I'm wiser with my tongue,

I wish I'm more in control of my life,

I wish I can handle situations with a clearer mind,

I wish that I don't have such excellent memory so I can forget all the bad things that had happened,

I wish I know how to exercise my authority,

I wish I'm evil,

I wish I'm meaner,

I wish I'm emotionless,

I wish I'm more confident of myself,

I wish I don't look down on myself,

I wish I don't beat myself up badly,

And,

I wish I could just turn back time,

To the time before all this shit happens....

ROFLMAO

Was on MSN with Jacqueline some nights ago. We were talking bout something hilarious and I replied her with this;

ROFLMAO.

And she said I swore. -____-''

J : Oh, since when are you so vulgar. I thought you don't swear, don't curse wan.

E : Huh? Since when did I swear? (Confused)

J : You just said LMAO. Isn't that a bad word in Hokkien?

E : LOL. Goodness gracious me. It's far from a bad word. Slack la you.

J : Then, what is it?

E : ROFLMAO = Roll On Floor Laughing My Ass Offfffff. LOL.

J : Ohhhhhh....Got the word Ass mah..So, it's still vulgar lor (trying her best-est to redeem her dignity)

I almost died laughing.

Shaping Up!!

Recently, I re-activated my gym membership, thanks to the never ending lectures from my older younger brother.

"You MUST not quit gym. You know it too right? You put on weight easily with every extra mouthful...bla bla bla..."

='=

I felt so discouraged at first, ready to accept the fact that I'm always on the chubbier side. But, now I frequent the gym almost every day of the week, following the trainings that I found from the web, diligently. And eating properly. So far lehhhhh, I can see some results. Not only me. My mom noticed it too. And she has eyes sharper than those of hawks.

Oh, about the eating part, I have to break my three main, big meals into six or seven smaller meals, eating every three hours, even though when I'm not hungry. But, you know me. I'm always hungry. Hehehe.

 The best part bout this diet is that I get to have cheat meals. Or rather a cheat meal. One meal, once a week. In this cheat meal (preferably in the morning or afternoon or even better, after gym!), I get to eat whatever I want. I get to stuff myself silly in the face. I get to gobble up everything till I can't even walk. Or breathe. But, it's only ONE meal. Once a week. You may think that if I do that, my one whole week's effort of dieting will go to waste. The shocking truth is, I lose weight even faster that way. Shocking, huh? But, it's true. Embrace it.

So, hopefully I can stick to this for long and see better results before I go into the anabolic diet my brother recommends me. I've read bout it and the anabolic diet seems tricky. Now, it's time to sign off for my stomach's making music already.

Chop chop!

Head or Heart?

Ok. I tried this just out of boredome. I have a lot of time to spare anyway. It's a quiz taken from a friend's blog. And here's the results:-

You Follow Your Head

You're rational, collected, and logical.

Generally, it takes you quite a while to fall in love.

In fact, you've even been accused of being very picky.

While you're cool, you're not ice cold.

You just know what you want, and don't mind waiting to get it.

anger Management

Ever felt like killing someone? Ever felt like strangling someone? Ever felt like venting all of your frustration at someone? Ever felt like bashing someone up?

Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now. Grrrrr....

I really gotta stop painting my blog with dark, emo posts.

Feel like getting my hands on this someone. *spat*

Bla Bla Bla.....Bah

It's 1:30 in the morning. Knowing that tomorrow I will regret not sleeping early, I decided to blog to ease some burdens off my chest, lest I suffocate to death.

Lately, I have a lot in my mind that I feared I'm bout to lose my sanity. And everyday, I dread going to work. My performance at work is going downhill. I just lost the Oomph to work. 

Just now as I lay in bed, listening to cheesy sentimental songs, I looked back at my life where I used to be energetic, hardworking, always pushing myself to the limit, persevere through "sleets and sleets of heavy rain and hail storms" and coming out half dead but alive, optimistic, etc etc etc. You get the picture. My assignments and reports always, if not, most of the time, came out top. Yet, now, writing a simple report seem to sap whatever little energy and life left in me. My mind automatically shuts down whenever I start writing a report. I will sit in front of my computer, fingers at the ready over my keyboard, but nothing came out. This has happen countless times.

Not only that, I just don't seem to want to do anything anymore. Going out seems to tire me easily. I turned down whatever outing my friends invited me to go. Even outings like going to the mamak for a chit-chat session. I just turned them all down. It's as though I'm floating through every day. Lost in transition. Can't find my footing.

I know not what to do with this "illness" of mine. No doctor could cure it I guess. And it's extremely frustrating to work in an environment where whatever you do earns you a good ticking off from your boss. That stupid bastard. That's probably one of the reasons why I slack at work, though I'm not gonna put the blame solely on that asshole him. 

With all this problems, I'm beginning to turn to food for comfort. Yes, I'm starting to binge again. Shit.

*Sighhhhhhhhh* 

I hope to return to my bubbly old self. Perhaps, the one thing I gotta do first is to stop listening to cheesy sentimental songs. They probably contribute to my being in a yo-yo state. Hence, this post. 

*shakes head*

I think I had better stop. It's late and I'm working tomorrow. Hope to have a great week ahead. Goodnight everyone.

Just Not My Day

Yesterday was really not my day. Everything seemed to go wrong from the time Dato' came over to my site for a visit. Everything seemed to spiral downwards. Even a light sneeze would earn you a death stare from Dato'. Serious.

And to add insult to injury, I'm now down with flu. Quite bad actually. Been sneezing my head off.

Haih. A student's life is a bliss. I miss my time as a student. Working life sucks big time.

Busy Me

Last week was a busy week for me. I was practically out every single day of the week. It was tiring, but fun.

One of the most tiring day was Saturday, where I went to Matta Fair after work to scout for cheap air tickets to London/Manchester, but could find none. It wasn't really that cheap. Maybe promos to other places were much cheaper. The trip to PWTC where the fair was held wasn't exactly err...fun. It was jam-packed with people!! I couldn't even walk two steps without stepping on somebody's toes or hitting somebody in the face. I really regretted going. I always tend to avoid crowded areas.

Then yesterday after work, I went up to Genting Highlands to meet my parents. I would have left for Genting right after lunch had there been no visit by one of the CEOs of my company. And the visit turned out to be really ugly, which, to cut the long story short, cut short my time with my parents as I had to rush down from Genting back to office for a meeting the next day, which was eventually cancelled! ='=

Haih... I need a break. Real soon.

Aghast!

I woke up with six pimples on my right cheek, two on my forehead, one of the bridge of my nose, and a huge one on my upper left cheek. Altogether...*counting*...ten pimples on my face! TEN! Can you believe it! I never had that many before. What happened now? And these pimples have been there for the past two weeks. And not showing any signs of going away!!

Crap! My face! Ishhh.... I don't want to be, quote, "taking care of my face like diamonds". Haihhh... I think it must be the hot weather. And me not drinking enough water. Hence, today, I brought my big water bottle along and drank as though there's no water tomorrow.

Hopefully, the pimples will all go away.... T_T

To Go or Not To Go

My project here in KL's bout to wrap up. Now, I'm in a dilemma. There's one opening back in Penang, specially reserved for me (long story on why it's specially reserved for me). However, I'm not so sure if I wanna go back to Penang. There are pros and cons. Let's weigh 'em.

Pros :

1. 
   
   There's no need to pay rent. Extra income for me =)
2. 
   
   I get to on the air-cond whenever the weather gets too hot.
3. 
   
   Penang has great food.
4. 
   
   No need to travel far in Penang. It's a small island.

Cons :

1. 
   
   If I'm in Penang, there will be too much pampering, which I don't like.
2. 
   
   In Penang, I have curfews. In KL, I get to roam around as and when I like, without any curfews.
3. 
   
   If I'm in Penang, my parents will be, ''you had better do this, you had better do that,''. In KL, I get to make decisions on my own, be it wise or stupid.
4. 
   
   I have a near total control of my life if I stay in KL than if I'm in Penang.

Soooooo, how?

"Stressed"

During one of the CNY holidays, I went for a movie with Jacq. People normally say that going for a movie or hanging out with friends is very relaxing. But, with her..... haihhhh....my stress level doubled to that at work. Let me tell you why.

Movie at 4.00 pm.

At 3.00 pm, I was already at her place, talking with Jacq's mother while waiting for her to dress up. 3.30 pm, only this lady emerged from her "lair".

Fast fast drive to Gurney, find parking, bla bla bla.

Raced up to the cinema. Queue super long. Clock showed 3.45 pm. Joined in the queue and waited impatiently.

Finally, our turn, only to be told, ticket for that movie sold out. T_T

Nevermind, go jalan jalan and chit chat and entertained each other. Stress level reduced.

When it's time to go home, paid parking ticket, headed to the car, bla bla bla. Reached the automatic barrier, cannot find parking ticket. Put car into reverse gear (luckily no cars behind), and parked at the side while searching frantically for the parking ticket. Almost turned the car inside out.

After what seemed like eternity, we found the parking ticket. Slot it into the machine and got out of the parking lot.

On the way to drop her back, mom called, rushing me to go home cause got dinner. Haihhh...

So, stressed not? I was super stressed out. But I enjoyed her company all the same. I think she did too for she was already asking me when I'll be back in Penang after this.  =)

So Long Goodbye!

You know, I'm done with all this war of words in my blog. Let the other person do what she wants to do. I don't wanna join her. I don't wanna be crazy and insane like her. I don't want to stain my blog with useless wars with her. She can say I back out or scared of her or anything she wants to say. She can tarnish my image all she wants. All I know is I'm not the person she says I am. She's certified emotionally unstable. And I would very much like to keep my sanity.

With that, I wish her all the best in pulling herself back together.

It's All About Work

Just got back from the long CNY break yesterday. Surprisingly, the journey was extremely smooth. No jam. And today it's back to work. From hereforth, no more long holidays till Christmas. It's work, work and more work.

I'm actually considering if I should go over to Singapore and work. Got lubang already. Can enter easily. Should be able to demand a higher pay too. But working in Singapore drains you emotionally, physically and mentally.

 *weighing pros and cons*

Should I? What say you? I need opinions!

Lies, Lies and Lies!

I just heard this from a friend of mine. And I'm astounded at what this person can do.

She and I have been friends for 13 years. And due to a slight misunderstanding on, perhaps, both our parts, we are no longer friends. And, she branded me a liar in front of others. A liar. Can you believe it? And she, what? A saint? It's unbelievable what she can say about me when we're no longer friends. Doesn't friendship mean anything to her? Though we are no longer friends, don't the memories accumulated 13 years ago mean anything to her? Her secrets are still with me. I have not gone on a rampage spilling all of her secrets to people. WORSE still; telling stories that are untrue, spreading rumours bout her. This is exactly what she did to me. Probably did it to cover one lie after another.

Oh, and did I mention that she attends church, listens to christian songs, listens to sermons, reads the bible and even encourages others to do the same?? One of the Ten Commandments in the bible, honey;

THOU SHALL NOT LIE!!

I'm not saying that I don't lie. I do. Everyone does. But, please don't deliberately and consciously do it to crush other people's image. And please have some respect and dignity for yourself. Some people are just not worth throwing your dignity away like that. I would very much like to do the same to you, telling lies and telling everyone your secret, but, I'm not gonna stoop that low. However, I have my limits. Push me to my limit, and I will retaliate. Don't forget that I hold one of your biggest secrets. Unless you want me to start spilling the beans, then please stop spreading lies and untruths about me. Otherwise, I can start with your brother in-law first.

Just so you know, I would have liked to help you, but seeing how obnoxious and bitchy you are, plus, a liar yourself, I decided against it. If you scoff at this "I would have liked to help you" remark, then think! Why else would I not tell your brother in-law all of your secrets when he first asked me about you? It's a good opportunity to get back at you. But, I didn't. Cause I know if I did, it will definitely break you. And this time round, please put some sense into your deductions. It will do you good.

Happy New Year 2010

Happy Chinese New Year 2010!!

CNY is one of my favourite festive seasons. It's the time when I will receive ang pows from all the aunties and uncles, ah ma's and ah pek's. Hehehe.

Looking forward to this year. Hopefully it will be a much greater year than those previous years. Let me share with you one phrase that I came across;

In this year of the tiger, you can either roar fiercely or meow timidly.

Hence, hopefully I will roar fiercely. =)

 It's the long holidays againnnn. Wheeeee...

Happy New Year!